Financial 5-a-day: talk about money

My last blog financial 5 a day discussed how we might use behaviour change to improve our financial nutrition, in much the same way as the fruit and veg 5 a day campaign led to improvements in physical health.

The suggested 5 categories are talking about money, understanding spending, putting a savings plan in place, getting on top of investing and thinking of your future self.

This blog explores the first of these - having regular money conversations; being ok talking about money.

If you are like most people, you will be reluctant to talk freely about money. Work stuff, the family, holidays, sports, are easy to talk about, but money seems different. The psychologist Prof Adrian Furnham, in his book The new psychology of money writes that “Money remains a taboo topic. Whereas sex and death have been removed from both the social and research taboo lists in many western countries, money is still a topic that appears to be Impolite to discuss and debate.” (2014: 3)

In a similar vein, the therapist Joan Atwood has written: “In many couple relationships, money is more taboo than sex. Discussing money matters is toxic for many individuals. Couples are more likely to discuss their prior sex lives or their infidelities than their history of money” (2012: 11).

The prohibition around money conversations is supported by the work of the psychiatrist and psychoanalyst Prudy Gourguechon who associates money with feelings of shame. Typical responses including “ I don’t have enough money, I’ve avoided thinking about finances, I’m really ignorant about all of this and I buy stuff when I’m unhappy” (Gourguechon, 2019).

This theme of shame is also found in the reflections of Rakshitha Ravishanker, associate editor of the Harvard Business Review:"Money is messy. It’s complicated. It’s oh-so-very-emotional. I know I’m not the only person who feels this way." (Ravishanker, 2021)

Often money education assumes that humans rationally calculate financial costs and benefits. But, as Furnham writes “people are far from rational in the way they think about, accumulate, spend and save money. They are essentially psychological rather than rational. Money is imbued with such power and meaning that people have difficulty thinking rationally about it. (2014: 13).

But more needs to - and can - be done.

That is why talking about money is the first of the financial 5-a-day. I would suggest that each of us starts by having a “conversation” with ourselves; that is a daily internal dialogue about money. Bring money into our consciousness, be intentional about our money decisions. And – perhaps the hardest of all – be honest. What are your priorities? What are your needs and wants? What are your money goals?

Once you have become familiar with having an internal money dialogue, you might take small steps in beginning to talk with others in our networks. Perhaps we might start with our partners. Tread carefully at the beginning as this is a sensitive topic. Conversational tactics might include discussing household money goals such as holidays, study plans, Christmas spending or investing for later life. Where money conversations go from there depends on individual family dynamics, but modest beginnings open the door to deep and honest dialogue about money. If there are children in the household, then this offers another opportunity for money conversations.

Psychologist and presenter Claudia Hammond has written in her book Mind over Money about how this process of “financial socialisation” shapes the money blueprint of children.

“So, children acquire most of their knowledge from their parents. But how exactly? Mostly through observation. They see the frequency with which parents buy or deny themselves the things they want. They repeatedly witness their parents selecting certain brands or going to different shops for bargains. They watch the way they weigh up price and value (2016: 25).”

Then there is our broader networks of extended family, friends and work colleagues. Where might you introduce or steer the conversation to money? Perhaps financial 5-a-day could trigger conversations about shared challenges and goals, discussions about how and where money might be saved, how income might be increased or even how much money does it take to be happy?

These money conversations can take place through a number of mediums, including verbal, social media and email. The medium is less important than the message: money is a critical part of life and purposeful conversations can release its practical, psychological and emotional energy.

The first financial 5-a-day, talking about money, feeds into the core philosophical tenant of money coaching – each of us has more power and agency over our financial futures that we realise. For sure some have more advantage than others, but all of us have the potential to take action and improve our financial nutrition.

References:

Atwood, J. T. (2012) “Couples and Money: The Last Taboo’, The American Journal of Family Therapy, 40:1-19. 

Furnham, A. (2014) The new psychology of money, Hove, East Sussex: Psychology Press. 

Gourguechon, P. (2019) ‘The Psychology of Money: What You Need to Know to Have a (relatively) Fearless Financial Life, Forbes, https://www.forbes.com/sites/prudygourguechon/2019/02/25/the-psychology-of-money-what-you-need-to-know-to-have-a-relatively-fearless-financial-life/?sh=11c9afdcdfe8, accessed 22/10/25. 

Hammond, C. (2016) Mind Over Money, Canongate, Edinburgh. 

Ravishankar, R. (2021) ‘Why are we so emotional about money’, https://hbr.org/2021/08/why-are-we-so-emotional-about-money, accessed 22/10/25.

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